Perseverence: Finding the Best in Us-Part Two

After my first year of recovery was complete, my head began to clear and my depression abated. My therapist floated the idea of going back to school. The suggestion flooded me with a familiar anxiety. School had always vexed me. Yet, despite being in recovery, I was still tending bar, not the recommended thing for a sober person but the only career avenue that could help me stay financially afloat. I was stuck doing something I’d grown to hate and felt diminished by.

School? Egads!

When I was younger, I’d tried college twice and dropped out. School made me feel stupid, confirming my status as a “fuck-up.” If I didn’t understand something right away, I’d flood with anger. Why persist against the inevitable? My therapist saw more in me than I saw in myself. She was perceptive and honest and if she believed in me, maybe I should believe in myself? I could use my success in sobriety as a blueprint and apply that to college. Had I not persisted in recovery despite major obstacles and challenges? If I could recover, maybe I could get my bachelor’s degree with the same level of investment.

Opening the Door

I knew that a degree would open doors to a career. So, I vowed to do three things: 1. Show up. Every day. No more bagging out of class. Consistency will win the day. 2. Sit up front. Listen and focus. 3. Take part in a discussion or ask a question in each class every day. I started community college, made it through two years then transferred to a four-year school.

Maintaining Commitment

I recall one challenging course with a professor with unyielding standards. My first paper came back covered in red ink and with a large, circled D-. In the past the grade would have defeated me. Instead, I dug in and took the criticism to heart. I worked harder, sharpened my writing and was eventually able to consistently get high grades from this demanding professor. My writing elevated.

Success

“Freddy Fuck Up” graduated summa cum laude and the following year started in a Master’s program, graduating three years later. I say this not to beat my chest but to convey that as someone who assumed his own stupidity due to fractured self-esteem, I was able to succeed by commitment, discipline and perseverance.

Breaking Through

I discovered that you can break the chains others shackle you with. Great books, art, businesses and athletic achievements are created through persistence, resilience and discipline: by striving despite rejection and initial failure. If there’s something you want, reach within and find the better aspects of your being.

Use the following list to help you achieve your goals:

1. Develop clear, concrete goals. Make sure they’re yours, not designed to please others. Internal motivation is one key to success.

2. Break goals into small, measurable steps with timelines. Track progress, celebrate small wins and revise plans as needed.

3. Establish daily routines. Energy and outcomes will vary; progress is often a jagged line, not linear.

4. Don’t be afraid to start small then gradually increase. Small wins build momentum and confidence.

5. Consider setbacks as data. Become comfortable with obstacles. It’s part of learning and growth. Don’t stare at the goal and lament that you’re not there. Look back to the beginning and see your progress. You’re getting there. Keep going!

6. Maintain awareness of how you respond to failure. Is your inner dialogue negative, self-effacing or defeatist? If so, confront those thoughts with self-encouragement and a positive attitude.

7. Engage with others who are trying similar goals or who have already succeeded. They can encourage, mentor and cheer you on. They’ll also help you avoid reinventing the wheel.

8. Avoid negative people who don’t support you. Negativity undermines you; support lifts you up.

9. Remember to practice good self-care. Adequate sleep, good diet and exercise help us to reach the upper levels of our potential and with consistent application will poise us for success.

10. You only fail when you give up. Don’t give up! Show up even when you’re struggling. Eventually you’ll succeed!